As I See It: DC Comics Reboot

7 06 2011

Since the 31st of May, the internet has been abuzz with word of the earth shattering DC Comics Reboot

According to Newsarama, “the [new JLA] team will ultimately boast 14 members, with the iconic core of Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, The Flash, Green Lantern and Aquaman. ”

Here are my prophesies (including art) for what the DCU will be like, starting September first.*

*Please don’t take this seriously. This is not journalism, merely comedic speculation.

Superman

Starts pounding the Natti Lites with his bros. Has an unsettling fondness for Red Bull and XTREME sports.

Batman

Still Bruces around. Is slightly younger; treats the Robins less like sons (and daughter) and more like bros.

Wonder Woman

Wears Pants. Again.

No one is surprised.

The Flash

Has a chin piece.

Green Lantern

Follows the movie canon i.e. loses all creativity. Likes guns.

Aquaman

Still a pushover. Has a prosthetic hook hand a la Buster from Arrested Development.

Cyborg

Is pretty much a badass.

Batgirl

Inexplicably regains the use of her legs. Loses all ability with computers. Disappointingly becomes a damsel-in-distress character. But, da-yum, can she dance!

Nightwing

Is not actually Dick, but Damien, finding he has a fondness for fingerstripes.

Zatanna

Is a gothic loli. Obsessed with Japan.

Green Arrow

Loses the beard, grows a chin strap.

Black Canary

Thinks fishnets are pants. Yells a lot.

Superboy

Is actually Superman’s alternate secret identity. And it’s SuperBRO, dude.

Supergirl

Wears leggings under her skirt and keeps talking about how you’ve probably never heard of her backstory.

Power Girl

Gets some pants, as well. Retains boob window because, come on!

Booster Gold and Blue Beetle

Ted comes back to life, he and Booster go on perpetual panty raids.

Big Barda and Mister Miracle

Remain sadly overlooked.

Starfire

Full coverage, baby.

~Queen

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2 responses

7 06 2011
barak

What about Plastic Man?

7 06 2011
queenofquasars

Maybe an addendum for next week.

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